she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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