we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I accidentally burped into my bong.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
