if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I skipped work to stalk him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
