Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
