$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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