I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
