Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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