Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
