Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i dont even know how to be here
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
