She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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