What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
