you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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