remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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