Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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