forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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