forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
