In the future we'll all be gay
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize