I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
