so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
