Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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