anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
