I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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