Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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