what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
