Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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