he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
