She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
