We're facebook friends in real life
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
