He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think my mom watched the whole time
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
