Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
