i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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