this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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