I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
