I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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