She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
