i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
