I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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