Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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