ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
