this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
