I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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