I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
