I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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