I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
