Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize