How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
