I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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