So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
