drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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