Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
