yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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