...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
