john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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