I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
