just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Randomize
