saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
