Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
