Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
