I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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