epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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