my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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