a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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