This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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