hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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