Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
