jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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