You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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