Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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