Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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