Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
