pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
