i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize