I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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