remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
