i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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