Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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