hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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