redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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