i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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