I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
