I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
