Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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