people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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